02 July 2014

Going away.

 Where to start. So after 1 full year of official unemployment, my benefits are coming to an end. It's been panic after panic with depression settling in and a total lack of direction.  I've tried to keep up my painting and I'd say I was getting better and getting more opportunities but not "fast enough".
It didn't help that I forged ahead to try finishing my paralegal certificate - I am close but for 100 hours more of field work that I need.  I did a 12 week internship at the Federal Public Defender Habeas Unit (Capital cases)   - which I enjoyed - and kept taking computer graphics classes as a way to keep my skills on life-support. But.... a two-unemployed-people household is a place you don't want to be, trust me. Income is needed. Career changes can't take place in a vacuum and every piece of advice sounds as hollow as when you have a death in the family.

So when a job in London came up, I said 'yes'. Think about the consequences later.  And the consequences are heart wrenching. Most importantly, I'll have to be away from Armando and we are not happy.

But this blog is about art and its vicissitudes. 
I am more determined to paint than ever. And I'll do whatever it takes including stop painting to take a job in London. But this means some things needed to be taken care of:

 Sold my studio furnishings, my frames, my paints and even my easel to lighten the load on our household  while I am away and in case we need to do the "nomad" thing like so many of our former colleagues have done. I know it sounds paradoxical but I believe less stuff will help me focus.

My studio fire-sale.

Sold my art books. That was hard. 

Books now  gone. Inspiration comes from paintings.
Destroyed about 40 to 50 paintings that didn't cut it. I can't sell them because it wouldn't be fair to the people that have paid good money for the ones they have. I also got rid of some early works (from 1983 no less).

Pile of now destroyed paintings.
3) Cancelled a lot of shows I had scheduled. Good ones too like the Laguna Plein Air and a show at the Debra Huse gallery. This was probably the hardest thing to do but I can't commit to the effort without some pre-investment.

At the Debra Huse Gallery. "Family by the sea" 11"x14"

 I am taking my paints to London. Whenever I can paint, I will. I am also contacting some British painters in hopes of having some incentive to get out. However, I expect work will take 110% of my time as this is a new job and a new company.

On the brighter  side, I have a new gallery representing me: Hillside Fine Art in Claremont, California.  I've also dipped my toes in the interior decorator market that I can think can generate some great opportunities. And I have two new shows coming up right before I leave.  After all, it's only six months, I might be back. I even took a day to travel to San Diego and visit the "Sorolla in America" exhibition. Out of this world.

"Ephebe Fountain"  12"x9"Hillside Gallery, Claremont

I wish I could say I've learned something from this. But all I have found out is that yet again, I have to keep postponing my painting again and again...and again, just to make a living "right now".  I 've learned that the Unemployment Office couldn't give a flying  crap about your desire to be an artist ...but you knew that and why should they :).  I've learned there is not such thing as living outside of risk. Someone recommended I do "visualizations", well, it might work but the gap between where I am and what I visualize is a vast chasm to say the least.  

I type this in a muggy apartment surrounded by boxes. My partner just got more bad news from the labor front. But here is some visualizing for you: This is Dennis Zieminski studio in Glen Ellen. I like Dennis, he deserves the studio he's got and he works hard. That's irrelevant, I'm visualizing....